The Day My Book Deal Scared Me To Death

About a week after I signed my book deal with Jolly Fish Press the initial excitement gave way to spine-numbing fear. My husband is a numbers-guy, a practical-thinker. When I signed the contract he immediately started talking about all the numbers, the money, the details and possible problems.While I was envisioning blissfully long lines at book signings he was seeing contract disputes and planning for worse-case scenarios.

I love my husband for this – his smarts save us a lot of money, get us amazing deals and keep us grounded – but all this important, practical information scared the life out of me. Soon I was a moody mess, pushed down by worry, pressure and stress. My mind set itself on a loop of “what ifs.” What if no one buys my book? What if we forgot something in the contract? What if I do something wrong? What if my book isn’t good enough? What if no one wants to read my book?!


One day when my hubby got home from work I was…well, let’s just say not pleasant to be around. He handed me my i-Phone, earphones and running shoes and said, “Don’t come back  until you can smile.”

So I walked. Fast. I walked up the steepest hill in our neighborhood and when the pavement ended at the top of that hill, I just kept going up the mountain, dust swirling around my shoes and fire burning in my thighs. I walked until my butt was sufficiently kicked and then I stopped. I turned around and looked out over the beautiful valley. Mount Timpanogos stalwart and gorgeous, the peaks kissed by thick evening sun, Utah Lake sparkling and proud, green farmland soaking in the end of the day.

Mt. Timpanogos Credit:

Then I said, out loud, to the sage brush, “What I hell am I doing?” I was ruining it. This marvelous, amazing, glorious thing I had been dreaming of for so long – and I was ruining it by worrying. With my hands on my hips I exhaled a long breath and let it all go. I got to this point dreaming big and pushing aside my fears. It wasn’t time to stop – in fact, now that mentality is even more important. Dream big. Work hard. Push pass the fear.

I came home smiling.

Since then I have set my worry and fears aside. They’re still there, of course, but only claim a small buzz in the back of my head instead of hurricane force winds churning up my moods. I’m back to the excited, to the joy, to the this-is-so-freaking-awesome.

I’m not going to miss out on the experience worrying about the results. So I’m savoring, enjoying and basking in the light of the coolness that is a dream realized.

And if I ever get caught in the hurricane again, I know my perfect husband will hand me my running shoes.


12 thoughts on “The Day My Book Deal Scared Me To Death

  1. This is a great post, Teri! I'd worry about the "what ifs" too. I'm so glad to hear that you've overcome that and can enjoy your well-deserved success!By the way, I plan to order a copy the minute your book becomes available. So, you've got one sale in the bag already. πŸ™‚

  2. Love this post, Teri! Let the worrying come later, or better yet as minimally as possible. Right now, you should ENJOY, ENJOY, ENJOY! It's all going to be fine. Heck, it's going to be awesome!

  3. I loved your post because I it was so real. Now you know why I run so much, it's the only thing I can do to de-stress myself. But seriously, I can't wait to read and purchase your book, and I'm going to tell everyone I know to do the same!

  4. The what if's can consume us if we aren't careful. Even though the hubby started the chain of concern at least he was able to help stop the snowball effect it was having. Your book will be fabulous and it will sell! Hang in there!

  5. The worries will never go away. But they are what they are: worries. Nothing more. What comes after–the real thing–is what you make of it. You can worry all day about your book not selling, or you can smile and walk out there with a head held high proclaiming the fact that you are a published author above all. You are not just here to sell books. You are here to sell a story, a magnificent story that opens doors to a whole new universe for your readers. You are here to contribute to the intelligence of the world. It's never just about a book. It's all about the world you create and dare to share. Granted, you'll always have dissenters. Worry them not. What matters is the people who love your books. Because to them, you've given them the opportunity to escape, even for a brief moment, to a world that you've built from your amazing mind. And that, my friend, is true magic.That said, you have very little to worry about. Now slide those negative thoughts aside and go work on your second book. The world stands waiting. It's an infinite place to conquer, and conquer you must. We look to you.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s